You are Just Your Husband's Help Meet: A Mompreneur's Thoughts

If you read my last blog post, you would know that I was in a funk. I can't really put my finger on exactly why. I just know that some little comments from perhaps well meaning people in my life, pushed me over the edge. I was on the verge of depression. The comment that hurt the most was when my friend of more than 3 decades said that my purpose in life was to simply be my husband's help meet. She also insinuated that the success of our business had not as much to do with me but instead had everything to do with him, meaning, whether or not I was in his life, she believes the business would still have reached its current levels. I wondered how could she think those things and or believe them, if she truly wants the best for me.

Those comments left me asking myself, does my life have meaning? 100 years from now will I be remembered? Does it matter whether or not I contribute and should I even be concerned about if my contributions are properly attributed to me? What have I done with all the God given talents bottled up inside of me? Did I waste my talents?

We all want to know the meaning and purpose of our existence. Why are we here? Is it just to be some one's help meet. I pondered for a long time. Such dilemmas regarding ones purpose are common. Unfortunately, it is also all too common for a woman's worth to be underestimated and unfortunately relegated to the the shadow of her man, no matter how much she contributes. I am an equal partner in my company, have been from the very beginning. I work just as hard as my husband and I have set the vision for this company many times over. Because of my attention to detail, we have been awarded numerous funding that has allowed our company to reinvest for major capital improvements. Yet, I am still seen as the secretary or the help meet, as she so carelessly phrased.

I am here to say that though I am my husband's help meet, he is mines also. We are here to help each other get ahead. I am talented and my creative spirit feels like a corralled champion thoroughbred, waiting to escape.  I am fully aware that God gave me these talents for a reason. But I am also aware that God gave me this man for a reason, as well. When he needed me to leave my career and put my attention on our family business, I did. This decision is a mere example of how I have sacrificed some fundamental passions. Once the family business is stabilized, I do believe that he will do the same for me. Why, because I have seen him show love to me and our girls in multiple ways. He cares for us as he does himself. Success in business without success in marriage and life is no success at all. A broken man equates to a broken marriage. I hedged my bet.

I have to remain grounded and focused and not allow comments such as these to affect me on a guttural level. It's hard. It will take time and perhaps it will take my recognizing that all that matters in the end is the legacy we leave to our family and our community. We stand on the shoulders of giants and in no way do we want our contributions to weaken the foundation of those who came before us.

So, should I be concerned if my contributions are properly attributed to me? NO. Does my life have meaning? YES. Am I just a help meet? NO. Will I follow my passions? YES. Will my husband be supportive when that time comes. Resoundingly, YES.

January 2018 Reflections: The Sober Realities of Mompreneurship

January was rough for me. Though I started the year hopeful that I would be able to work on me, it quickly turned to new and very pressing business matters. The days were long and stressful. I didn't even have time to think about what I really want. Despite it all, I am still thankful for God, life, health and strength, my hubby, my parents and kids, grand kids, and family.

Reflections

As I reflected on the month, I realized that many of the words I used to describe my experience were negative. I asked myself "why?" With so many blessings and opportunities why am I so pessimistic? Resoundingly the answer was "you haven't yet figured out your true purpose." Yes, I am a Mompreneur but is my business in an area that I am genuinely passionate. Don't get me wrong, I am passionate about business in general and I am passionate about parenting,motherhood, and home keeping . But If my entrepreneurial pursuits isn't in an area that makes me want to jump out of bed in the morning, the questions is, why not? How am I to change course, especially when my current business is one that is so important to my community and to my family's well being?

Being Real

I am just being real here. It's going to take time for me to figure myself out. There are good days in entrepreneurship and there are ones where you wonder why you are doing what you are doing. I am confident that if one is working in an area he or she is passionate about, it almost does not feel like work at all. For me, January was one of those months where I felt confused and discombobulated. Here are the five primary reasons for my malaise:

1. Not Sustainable - I realize that my workload is not sustainable; so I need to determine what projects to put on hold.
2. What About Me - I am constantly asking myself where am I in the equation. It is so easy to take care of everyone else, the business, the kids, the hubby and forget about oneself.
3. Major Capital Improvements - We are about to engage in a major capital improvement that will substantially affect our balance sheet's liability column. This is always a scary thought.
4. Aligned with Purpose - I constantly ask myself if my business is aligned with my life's purpose and if not what am I going to do about it?
5. Planning without a Plan - If my purpose is not aligned with my pursuits then it seems as though I am planning without a plan, rowing to the wrong destination, which gives rise to my current mood.

What to Do

Given all of this, I will take time to think more about my life's purpose. What makes me happy? What can I do all day, everyday and not even get tired or feel like I am working? How can I give more to others in a way that doesn't feel as though I am being drained? And finally how can this new purpose be integrated in my present life? To answer questions such as these will take time. I'm in no rush.

How are you doing on your journey of entrepreneurship? Are you passionate about your business? Is your business aligned with your purpose? Share your thoughts below and let's help each other.

I've Always Dreamed of Paris

There is something romantic about Paris. I have never had the privilege of visiting but I dream about going. I imagine cobblestone streets, old buildings with rich history, fine wine, and of course wonderful pastries. I also imagine seeing beautiful people.

As a result of my fantasy, I am drawn to all things Parisian: books,  photographs, relics, blogs and  even podcasts. One podcast that is dear to me is called The Simply Luxurious Life by Shannon Ables. I first learned of Shannon by reading her book of that same title. Then I found her blog. She is a self proclaimed Francophile. I can't say I am a true Francophile because I haven't studied about Paris and its culture. Instead, I have just absorbed information in passing and thus I continue to dream.

When I tell my kids of my desire to visit Paris, they give me so many historical details as to why they think I may not like it. I tend to ignore their remarks and my love affair with this place of my dreams continues.

Where do you dream of? Have you had an opportunity to visit. Did it live up to your expectations? Let us know and until then continue dreaming if it makes you happy because ultimately these little joys add to the Good Life:)

What Advice Would I Give to My 20 Year Old Self?

As I pondered the question, "what advice would I give my 20 year old self?", many thoughts came to mind. The obvious responses centered around spirituality, family, health care, etc. We tell our kids these things daily: pray often, God loves you, eat healthy, we love you. But outside of these very important but obvious words of advice, what else would I tell them and what do I wish I had known at the tender age of 20?

You Create Your Life by Habits

I wish I had known the importance of the seemingly mundane things that I kept doing repeatedly. These habits whether good or bad generated serious repercussions in my life. For example, I had the bad habit of not putting my keys in an exact location daily. As a result, I spent countless mornings looking for my keys and being late for work. On the other hand, I had some good habits, such as making my bed and balancing my check book. As a result, I tend to be very neat in terms of home keeping. In addition, my personal finances are in a good place. Our habits become us and the life we create is as a result of them. If I had known this when I was younger, I would have focused more on creating good habits in specific areas, which would have ultimately helped me to achieve my goals at a much faster pace.

5 Habits of a Successful Mompreneur

Habits are powerful and as the old saying goes "habits make us or break us." This is why it is especially important that we build good habits into our daily lives. Little things do matter because over time they create a big impact. Below are 5 habits that I incorporate into my daily life as a Mompreneur. I believe that these habits help to keep me organized as I strive to provide for my family and for the stakeholders who depend on me in business.

Plan your Day the Night Before

Every evening I plan for the next day. Planning helps me to think of what I want to accomplish and it also allows me to manage my time better. With a family and a business, at times I am juggling so many obligations: a child has a chorus concert at 6:00 pm, another child needs to be picked up from College because her Christmas break has begun, payroll is pending, an employee needs a job letter, not to mention dinner and general homekeeping. I am quite sure you too have a lot on your plate. For me, planning allows me to segment my day between: 

• Home
• Business
• Kids
• Personal Time
• Family Time

Though I may not get everything done daily, at least I am aware of what needs to be done. I can then delegate and or postpone. Not keeping it all in my head helps me to be a lot more organized. Daily planning works; but keep in mind that annual goal setting and monthly planning helps one to accomplish so much more.

The Path: A Time to Choose Your Destiny

I had a beautiful walk along a beautiful trail.  While walking, I thought of the concept of …the path. Many times in life and in business we meet a juncture where we have to choose our path.  Sometimes the path is before us, but it is not of our own making, the pressures of life, job, relationships, and responsibilities force us along.  Other times, we are afraid to venture onto a path of our own making, one that burns within our soul for fruition….it screams, take me, take me; yet, we ignore it.  The caveat is that the paths we take literally determine our destiny. Choose wisely and live a life of no regrets.  Each path has its own twists and turns, its own lessons.  Learn them, lead a life fully engaged and you will not have to repeat them.   

In future posts I will be speaking some more on how to live life to the fullest  and continuing to offer career, business, or personal advice.  

Libraries

Libraries are serene, beautiful, peaceful spaces. As a lover of knowledge, it is expected that this space would be one where I am perfectly and divinely in my element. But what about you? We all need to find spheres/spaces, whether public or private, that inspire us to live more and to be more. We are very much influenced by our physical environment. So if you need to go somewhere to be inspired, then bon voyage. If you can't go, then imagine you are already there. Your mind's eye is more powerful than you think. Whether you create it mentally or you are there physically, your place of peace, tranquility, inspiration will help you live your best life ever. 

3 Simple Ways to Get Things Done and to Stop Complaining

I have come to a point in my life where complaining is no longer a viable or valid option. It gets me no where. It just frustrates me even more and imbues negative feelings in my spirit. Instead, I have replaced the desire to complain with Being...Giving...Sharing. By Recalling theses three words each and every time I feel the need to complain, I get a lot more done.

Be

For me, to be is simply to be in the now. When we are in the now we do not dwell on the fears of the future nor the regrets of the past. Instead we learn to appreciate where we are, what we have and what we are doing. I am constantly reminded by my kids to pay them some attention. This Memorial Day we spent the day together. First we took a nice long walk in the morning. The outside air was so crisp and we were able to talk about life in general. Then we shopped and took advantage of the Memorial Day Sales. After that we went to Brewsters and the Movies. It was just wonderful spending the day with them. There was total bliss because I focused completely on my girls.

Give

In addition to just being in the now giving of your time or talents helps one avoid the act of complaining. The old saying "a rolling stone gathers no moss" applies here. Giving is an act of doing, so who has time to complain when one is busy giving to others. You will feel so much better about life and about yourself.

Share

If you have enough for you, you may just have enough to share. My cousin once told my kids sharing is caring. How can you share with others and still complain about the situation you are in? Trust me, you won't have time for that.

Ultimately, being, doing, and sharing puts me in a state of mind where complaining is improbable.

I have created a simple habit of when I feel like complaining focusing instead in the present moment and making changes to improve the situation and if I can't then doing what little I can to share my time and talents with someone who is in need.

We all can do this. What do you do to avoid the complaining modus operandi? Let us know by commenting below. Be blessed. Life is Good:)

Failure: It is a Good Thing

Hey, we all have failed. When test time comes, I am famous for telling my kids tests are a win-win. If you do well, you have gotten an opportunity to show off what you know and if you do poorly, you have an opportunity to discover what you did not know, so that you can improve. It's all good.

Failure and success are like Yin and Yang, two sides of the same coin with the whole being change. Without change, life as we know it comes to an end. When we embrace our failures and learn from them and at the same time continue to celebrate our successes, our life continues on its proper trajectory.

At times, if we don't learn from failures we keep repeating the same mistakes. A mistake in and of itself is not necessarily tragic. Life becomes tragic however when we keep making the same mistakes; when we make the same old nonsensical choices and then cry over the fact that things aren't the way we want them to be.

Embrace mistakes. It is ok to make them. It is not, however, ok to keep repeating them. Instead, learn from them and make better choices; we all should learn from mistakes whether in business or in our personal lives. If we do this, then no matter how dire things may seem at present, we have grown because of the mistake we have made.

Think of a tree that must be pruned in order to sprout new leaves and become an even bigger source of beauty, nourishment, shade or whatever the case may be. We are like that tree and at times our mistakes are part of the pruning process.

Embrace them. Learn from them. Do not repeat them. Life is Good.

5 Ways to Display Self Love: Advice for Busy Mompreneurs

We are all so busy with life, work, family, business, charities and the list goes on, that we forget about ourselves. I am so guilty of this, which is why I now call the lack of self love the biggest travesty of modern life. When I look at my planner, everyone's needs are met except my own and I find myself saying, I am soooo tired. But why? I know now it is simply because I have forgotten that I need my cup to overflow so that I can have something to give to others. I have forgotten the importance of self love.

My Disorganized Day: 5 Things I have learned

Today was one of those days where I lacked focus. There was no to do list and I randomly went from one task to the next. I was doing a lot but not feeling as though I was getting anything done. I had several unanticipated calls  and it seems like eons before I hung up the phone. I went into my email account for one thing and ended up spending time responding to e-requests rather than doing what I had gone in there to do. As things popped into my mind, I went off on whatever tangent came my way.  It happens to the best of us. Here is what I learned.

1. Begin each day with a list; it is perhaps most ideal if the list was written the night before. 
2. Not only should you have a list but the list should be time based with the most important activities or task scheduled first.
3. Schedule email time and if you have to go into your email to send something in particular or to retrieve files, then focus on that objective and then get out. I have decided to schedule my emails for midday and late afternoon. By so doing, I would have completed my daily objectives first thing in the morning before following up with other peoples agenda. When I check late afternoons, it will help me to create objectives for the next day and respond to the emails that came in during the day.
4. Let all unknown and unscheduled phone calls go to voice mail. If I am expecting a call at a particular time, I will answer but if someone random calls who I am not familiar with, then voice mail will pick up.  By so doing, I won't be caught off guard as I can listen to what they want and respond based on my own agenda.
5. Schedule creative, content generating time. Many tasks are administrative in nature and do not help you to earn money. So it is important that you schedule uninterrupted time for the most important money making, content generating tasks.

We all have those off days. Today was one for me. I will re-group, re-focus and try again tomorrow. But for today, I have learned some valuable lessons. 

I am Happiest When: Thoughts from a Mompreneur

Ok, I was on the phone with a payroll agent discussing an issue affecting my company. The agent said, "I can't believe it is the 26th of January already...January just flew by." Of course I agreed with her. But when I got off the phone, I reflected and asked myself, is the whole year going to fly by as well? What am I doing now to accomplish my goals for 2015?

With this question in mind, I also asked myself, what am I happiest doing? To better answer the question I changed it into a statement and tried to fill in the blank.

I am happiest when.......__________________.

What first came to mind are the things that make me unhappy, such as:

• bookkeeping


• yard work


• any type of handyman related work


• etc. etc.

Instead, I love crafting, reading, cooking, and ancestral research.

But as I thought some more, I realized I needed to figure out how my passions can help me make enough money to continue to make an awesome living and become financially free.

I discovered that when it comes to work.....I AM HAPPIEST WHEN I AM SHARING INFORMATION.

Plain and simple, I love to teach. I love to help others learn and grow and create better lives for themselves. No, I don't want to be a teacher in the traditional sense, but I can use this love to inspire others via coaching, mentoring, training.

This understanding helped me to focus my business more. I felt so free, literally. It felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Whatever I am doing in business, just find ways to share with others.

Largely this is why I like blogging because I love to share information.

Focusing on your passion rather than just focusing on profits makes room in your life for even more success, that is success on a higher level.

As mompreneurs, let us share, grow and learn together by filling in the blank in the comment area below:

I AM HAPPIEST WHEN......._____________.

Mompreneur Goals for 2015

As a mompreneur, I have been known to take care of everything and everyone around me, literally, while at the same time, ignoring my own personal needs and wants. I have lived by the mantra that love is sacrifice and if I love my kids and hubby I would do whatever needs to be done and not worry about its impact.

In my entrepreneurial life, I tend to take care of my employees, sometimes ignoring my own needs. Between 2008-2010 when our business was struggling, I literally paid 100% of my employees' insurance premiums from our personal savings. It left us broke.  Thank God we bounced back. But there again, I placed other peoples needs first. For 2015, times are changing and my mantra is ME FIRST!

The following goals are my own personally, but anyone, particularly mompreneurs, can benefit from my self analysis.

Social Goals

With ME FIRST as my mantra, my primary social goal is to get out more. Sometimes 6 months would go by and I haven't even gone to a movie because I am so busy. What kind of life is that? For this New Year I intend to go out more with family and friends. In addition, I intend to stay in touch, particularly with my aunts who are getting up there in age. Finally, I intend to exert more effort to be a kinder person.  No, I am not by nature a mean person. However, I can be a bit short with people...my entrepreneurial tendencies has me so accustomed to expecting efficiency and effectiveness in business life, that socially, I tend to address people in a manner as though I am expecting them to hurry up all the time.  For instance, at times, I hang up the phone without saying good bye. Awful, I know. So in a nutshell, my social goals are:

• Get out more,


• Stay in touch with family and friends,


• Be kinder.

Home Goals

I am by nature a home body. I love being home and I love taking care of my home and my family. Despite this, there are somethings that I need to improve in this area. These things may not seem to fit the Me First ideology but because I love home so much, they do, in my case.

One home area that must improve this year is communication. Though this may seem like a social goal, it is in my home category because I am speaking specifically about communication with those special people in my home, my husband and kids. I yell too much. So this is the first thing I need to quit doing.

Also I need to protect my family's personal time. Sometimes with the telephone and electronics like computers, smart phones, i Pads, etc. a family can communicate with people outside of the home more than they do with those within. Hence, it is my goal that we have no call time zones.

In addition there are two other home areas that come to mind. One of which is my kids educational pursuits. As a mompreneur, work has no end. Hence I sometimes neglect what the kids are doing academically. This must change. Just like I plan in every other area, I need to make sure that I continue to plan for them in this area.

Another area is bedtime. Our family needs to be more vigilant in maintaining our bedtimes. This last year we were all sleep deprived.

2015 Home goals are:

• Improved Communication, specifically no yelling,


• Improved family time, specifically implementing no call time zones,


• Focus on Kids educational pursuits.

Health Goals

As I consider the importance of sleep to our family, health goals come to mind. Every single year I tell myself that I am going to loose these last 15 pounds. Well  instead of focusing specifically on the weight, I will instead institute new health habits and let the weight take care of itself. My new habits for this year are:

• No eating after 6 pm,


• Green Juice Smoothies at least 5 times per week,


• Drink at least 8 glasses of water per day,


• Bedtime by 9 pm 5 times per week,


• Eat a salad at least 5 times per week,


• Toning, walking, and strength training exercises at least 5 times per week,


• Be in the now, focus on the present moment.

Work Goals

While I tend to slack off on my health goals, (I know this is unfortunate) I tend to be a stickler with my work goals. There isn't much that I have to do differently this year. If I had to be specific, I would say that I need to create more structured schedules that are broken down by quarter, month, weeks and then by day. The most important of these is my Daily To Dos. I will create Daily To Dos for each and every aspect of my work life. By doing so, I would instead be focusing on the habits that would generate success. This has been and will continue to be my strategy.

• Create quarterly goals,


• Create monthly goals,


• Create weekly goals,


• Create daily to dos.

Personal Goals

As a very spiritual person, the area of my life that impacts all others is my spirituality and thus spirituality is my number one personal goal. I intend to be a better steward of God's resources by making sure my energy and efforts are not squandered.

Also, I intend to be a good steward of my time. It is so easy to waste time with superficial stuff. Relaxing isn't wasting time. Instead, I define wasting time as doing anything that you are not fully committed to doing, whether economically, spiritually, socially, etc. So if you are watching TV with your kids and playing scrabble at the same time, this is time well spent; it is not wasteful. But if you are doing a favor for someone begrudgingly, then that time may have been wasted. It all depends.

Also, I intend to spend some quality time pursuing some of my favorite hobbies. I love to do crafting such as crocheting; I love to read and I also love ancestral research. Activities such as these fill my cup, metaphorically speaking.

The following personal goals, as alluded to, are critical to maintaining a genuine sense of happiness in my life:

• Read 100 books in 2015


• Improve my crocheting technique by making a specific type of garment


• Add at least 100 people to my family tree


• Write out my to dos the night before so that I can structure my days better


• Focus on stewardship in all ares of my life.

I am not going to hope and pray that my goals are accomplished. Instead I am going to DO. Achieving goals is not a mysterious phenomena. It is a day by day, second by second, pursuit. My habits become me and they will thus ensure my success.

What are your habits for 2015? We still have several more days in January. Share your thoughts below; you can still grow and learn with us in 2015 and beyond. We look forward to you subscribing to this blog and sharing with us.

A Mompreneur's Life: 5 Simple Sources of Happiness

As a mompreneur, mom-entrepreneur, life is a literal hustle: constantly on the go, being pulled in multiple directions.  This being the case, I strive to find times of solace.  But with so much to do, this isn't always possible.  So what do you do with a chaotic life and a running to do list that is a mile long? I have found that my solace can be found in the simple things.

1. A child's smile:  Last week, I picked my kids up from school and when I saw them coming to the car I saw their smiles.....ahhhh.  Those smiles made me feel like all the hard work was worth it.  It gave me a sense of peace and a feeling of immense joy and happiness.  I got out of the car and gave them a big hug.  I wanted them to know how much their presence impacted my life in a positive way.


2. A Spouse's kiss:  Yes, kiss.  Not the romantic sort but a peck on the cheek or forehead.  The kind that lets me know he cares.  Such a kiss makes me feel so happy and secure.


3. Homegrown traditions:  Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving or simple traditions like bed time stories, they all are friendly reminders of the routines we have established that make my family what it is.  When we gather to perform tasks associated with our traditions, it gives me immense satisfaction.


4. A good book:  Reading a good book is all absorbing and consuming and takes me away from the pressures of my running to do list.  When I am absorbed in the melodrama of the hero or heroine, I do not worry about the dilemmas I personally face.  I recall when our family was facing financial ruin as a result of business decisions gone wrong, I think I read during those times more than any other times in my life.  Reading for me is a simple source of joy and provided the escape I needed.


5. A good friend:  Good friends are like fine wine; the friendship grows better with age. My best friend and I have been friends since college and her presence in my life is a simple source of joy. She listens to my fears, she sees my tears, she understands my circumstances. More importantly, she is not afraid to tell me when she thinks I am wrong.  I look forward to our conversations; she keeps me grounded.  When the phone rings and I know it is her, I smile.

Life is full and we have to snatch pieces of happiness but if we remember that our happiness isn't in events but in the simple things then it won't be difficult to remind ourselves of the goodness that each day brings.  Life is good!